#besides maybe the cold blooded comission of some terrible crime

[arg0t]

while i find it sympathetic to tie “asking about an open relationship” to “wanting an open relationship,” i think a lot of monogamous people view nonmonogamy as some force that’s way more powerful than it is, capable of tempting away anyone who is even passively interested in it inexorably toward it.

Even disregarding the other reasons someone could put the question on the table (they suspect their partner would like to open the relationship, they’re making an opening play toward becoming /more/ exclusive, they’re just indulging intellectual curiosity/making conversation) There’s an idea that any monogamous person who mentions polyamory or nonmonogamy is /always going to do it eventually/ whether their partner is into it or not. This isn’t true!

it requires a chat to see how committed to the idea the asker is, or what their intent is going forward after the question is asked, but ultimately people /like/ their relationships, especially their long term commitment relationships. You don’t have to have the exact same desires to reach an amicable and truly happy relationship plan. Plenty of people interested in nonmanogamy never try it out because they like their monogamous relationships more than leaving them to explore it. Plenty of people try out nonmanogamy and it isn’t for them!

the idea of a nonmanogamist in the popular monogamist culture is definitely one which presumes threat, and a threat so powerful that it’s very mention should scuttle any relationship or potential relationship entirely.

One of the wildest ideas that bounces around the Reddit relationship advice echo chamber is the idea that merely asking your partner if they would go for an open relationship is perfectly reasonable grounds for divorce.